::S p U n K y D a i S y::

They say that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I have jumped in the bandwagon. I now own a sun sim. And that is why I am a Sun goddess. Hehehe!

J was the first person I knew who had one. Then Gibs, and JM. I would use JM's phone to call my "sun friends" whenever I was with him. It was cool being able to talk to them for hours. Even if I had no particular reason for calling. Even if it was difficult to call, sometimes. And even if the line would get cut after 15 minutes of talking. It was free! Ahhh, how I love that word. But did I want to get one for myself? Errr...no. Didn't think it was worth it.

Then, my officemates Berns and TJ (also my yosi buddies. aka the powerPUFF girls) got na rin and everytime we would be on yosi break, I'd feel left out coz both of them would be chatting away on their sun phones. Days later, one of my bestfriends, Gina, sends me her sun number.

The final straw came when my sister bought one the other day. Yesterday, Aina got one for herself na rin. So today, on my way to work, I gave in to the temptation that is, 24/7 unlimited calls and texts. Hehe! And the office lent me an extra phone to use. Yehay!

Bunny @ Thursday, November 25, 2004

A NEW READ

My friend's latest entry made me miss being intimate with someone. He just wrote it so so so well. I would never be able to come up with something like that. I really found it beautiful.

His words and his thoughts are so deep.

Read Him.

Bunny @ Thursday, November 25, 2004

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

TRANSCENDENCE

This is the beginning.

The beginning of something greater, I believe.

I.Am.So.Happy. Happier than the first time I met J. Way happier than the time I discovered the silvanas he left for me. I feel so relieved. I finally have clarity.

-------------------------

The past 2 weeks have been really rough. I've spent most of my time worrying about my friends' problems. 5 of them. All troubled by love. I was their very own, Ate Helen. And I took that as a blessing in disguise because it helped me become oblivious to the dilemmas that I was faced with.

Last night, I had to deal with a friend (she's more like family), who started harboring bad feelings for Aina, my sister and me because we told her that she couldn't move in with us. Even after I explained that our living conditions are not suitable for her 2-year-old son who we adore to teensy weensy bits. Even after I told her that we have no room for our nephew's Yaya. And that they won't have a bed to sleep on. And that our place was just too small. It wasn't that we didn't want to help her, because Lord knows that we do. Thankfully, we were able to resolve things later that night.

Emotionally stressed, I knew I had to get out of the house. I had to be alone. I had to spend time with myself. It's been awhile, you see. And when Aina's ex paid her a surprise visit armed with high hopes to get her back (the attempt was unsuccessful, by the way.), I took that as my cue to leave and give the former lovers some privacy.

Together with my book, my writing notebook, a pen and a pack of cigarettes, I hopped over to Gloria Jean's in CityGolf and found solace in my tall order of Irish Creme coffee. I was texting with J, telling him how funny it was that the name the barista wrote in my cup was "Manny?". Yes, with the question mark. And he replied by calling me "Pare!". Ha-ha.

It was almost half past midnight, Gloria Jean's had closed, and I asked the staff if it was okay for me to hang out for awhile. I was finishing something I was writing when J texted,

J: Where are you?
Me: Gloria Jean's. Citygolf.
J: I'm in Starbucks Metro.
Me: Metro East or Metro Walk?
J: Walk!
Me: Nyeah! (we were in the same area pala the whole time) Are they still serving coffee?
J: Nope, they just closed.
Me: Darn. I could use another cup. You want company?
J: I thought you were with your friends? If you want to, it will be appreciated.
Me: No, I'm all alone lang noh. Sige, I'm about done here. I'll go there na lang.

Although J and I were in Eastwood last Saturday with friends, I haven't been out with just him for quite a while. And it was comforting to finally be with someone who, after 10 seconds of seeing me, sincerely asked me how I was doing. I answered him in the only way I knew how--by giving him the truth. And for a change, I was the one doing the talking, he the listening. After telling him about my super eventful week, we started discussing other things. This time, I asked him how he was and he told me what was going on in his life.

Strangely, for the first time ever, I didn't see him as the guy I was falling for. I didn't look at him all starry-eyed and dreamy. I didn't see him as the fellow I had a major crush on. Instead, I saw him as a really, really good friend who I had the best and most fruitful conversations with. And I felt different. It was a good and cozy kind of different. When we moved on to the topic of relationships, we both confessed that there are many times when we do miss having someone but, we both agreed, we don't want to be in relationships right now. That, currently, we just want to enjoy the company of our friends, old and new. And that, like what we were doing at that exact moment, we just wanted to find someone to trust, talk to and have coffee with.

"Buns, Ive been meaning to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"What would be the last thing you would say to someone you were falling inlove with?"

"This someone...is he also falling inlove with me?"

"Mahal ka na niya."

"Shit, J. How the hell am I supposed to answer that? Tough Question. You first."

He gave me his answer (our little secret, sorry.) and I gave him mine. Which turned out to be my deepest, darkest secret. Which only a select, un-priveleged few know.

There is something very freaky about being able to trust J so easily. We've warmed up to each other despite only knowing each other for a month.

Starbucks had closed hours ago. The staff had already left. We were the only ones remaining. If the security guard didn't start stacking up chairs noisily, our bums would never have left our seats. And this I know, because he told me so.

Texted him when I got home. Told him that while driving home, it dawned on me that it has really been a while since we last had these conversations. And that I missed it. I thanked him for being so open and trusting. And that I felt like I found a kindred spirit in him.

He answered, saying that he missed talking to me and that he was sure we would be having more of those discussions real soon. And that, grabe, close na talaga kami.

We chatted in YM this morning and it seemed like we were both still suffering from a hang over from last night's conversations.

To feel the way that I am feeling right now was the last thing I thought I would feel. Heck, I expected myself to be devastated. But surprise surprise! I am neither sad, disappointed or disturbed. First word that comes to mind is: Enlightened. But even that is an understatement. I am seriously having trouble explaining and defining these sudden gush of emotions. But I do realize that now, more anything, this is what I need.

Basta, I'm too happy. I've finally hit the brakes. I've stopped falling. I've placed a temporary lid on the bottle of L-O-V-E. But I'm not completely shutting out the whole idea of "being with" him. It's just that, Wow, this is what "no expectations" and "going with the flow" really means pala.

Nothing has changed between us. He still calls me Lovey, I still call him by his term of endearment. We still text each other. He still calls.

I feel like my friendship with J has transcended into something far more exciting that just "dating". There's no telling where this will take us.

No, this is not THE END.

In the words of Ms. Karen Carpenter, "We've only just begun..."

Bunny @ Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

ROUND 1 *ding*

Let the games begin.

I texted J good morning yesterday. And he did not reply. Waited, waited, and waited. Nada. Come midnight, I gave up whatever iota of hope I had left.

It's true what they say about watched phones never beeping because this morning while my thoughts were a million lightyears away from making my existence felt, he texted me good morning.

Did not reply.

A few minutes later, my phone made that familiar sound again. J again.

"Are you at work na? I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply yesterday. I left my phone kasi. Hope you have a wonderful day."

In the words of my sister (I promise I have no idea what this means but it seems appropriate), Urrruuuttt!!!

Hmph. Pfft. You have 2 phones. And you left both of them?!? And I don't care that your other phone is your Sun phone and that the chances of my number not being saved there are pretty high coz I don't have a sun number. Urut! Left your phone my big ass!

2 hours and a half later (like I could resist him. Hehe!), I replied: Hi J! Sorry late reply, had a tough night (i did naman talaga eh) and a busy and blah morning (the "busy" part--not true. the "blah", was). Good morning to you, too and have a wonderful day as well.

Seconds later (ang bilis!), he replied. Asking me if I was doing okay and why I had a tough night.

Ha! What I really wanted to say was, "I hope you're not thinking or implying that it had anything to do with you not replying..." (Even if somehow, it did. Can someone say, paranoid? or guilty? Women are freaks. But so are men.)

But what I really told him was, "It's about Carla. Super hassle but because she's like family, I had to oblige. Long story." (now this is true)

And then he called me at work. He apologized again for not replying. Said he forgot his phone at home and got home really late.

Acted like it didn't matter. Duh. Urut! (sorry, just had to say that again!)

Lately, I just want to be numb. I don't want to feel. Anything. Anymore. This heart of mine is spelling it's doom. I knew it. It was all too good to be true. I should have listened to the cynic in me (yes, it exists) when it said that J's glitch was going to be bigger than life. And didn't you learn that set-ups never work. Maybe for other people, but not for you, Buns.

I'm too old to be playing these dating games. Eh mas lalo na siya. But then again, boys we thought were men will be boys and will always be boys.

K said I should just appreciate him whenever he's there and enjoy being single when he's not. And to remember that he's free to date other people and that I am, too. True, true. It's just hard when you're falling na.

If things don't pan out the way I would like them to, I will be always be thankful to J for making me realize that there is still someone out there who I can be my total self with. Someone who shares the same passion for food, coffee, reading and writing (which reminds me, he still has 2 of my books. Alas, a reason to see him). Someone who shares the same vices. Someone who's not afraid to act silly, goofy and childish. Someone who, well, seems to like me for me. I remember telling him last weekend that my friends and I were talking about our childhood and that compared to them, it seemed like I was a really weird kid.

J: Hanggang ngayon naman eh. Hehe!
Me: At ikaw, hinde?
J: Kaya nga nagkakasundo tayo eh! Hahaha!

So if we end up being just friends, if what we have right now never moves forward, if we never take this to the next level, that's fine. So what if he's not "The One"? Maybe, his sole purpose for coming into my life is to make me realize that there is hope--that there are, as the cliche goes, other fish in the sea. Other fish who will want to be caught by me.

End of Round 1.

Bunny @ Tuesday, November 23, 2004

WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE CURRENTLY SAYING ABOUT J

"Get to know him muna. Malay mo, mabaho pala utot niya. Can you live with that forever?!?"--K

"I think everyone knows that he likes you naman. There’s no doubt about that. It’s just that he’s just so....Weird."--Charo

"May tinatago yan!"--Jovan

"Agi (Gay in Ilonggo) ba siya? Baka he's Boracay Guy #2!"--Gibs (many years ago, i was dating this guy for over a year and when he finally asked me to go to boracay with him, i was hopeful he would "propose". But he didn't. I stopped going out with him after that trip)

" Ang labo niya!!!"-- Aina

(after telling him that J is taking one step forward and 2 steps backward)"He's dancing the cha-cha!!!" -- John D.

"It's like you're blind and he's in charge of leading you. And once you've gotten far, he leaves you alone. Helpless."--John D.

"Come what may, buns."--JM

"Ate Buns, wag ka na umasa dun!" (hindi naman ako umaasa eh. confused lang.He.)-- Marby

"Addict ka kasi sa kanya eh. Wag ka mag-expect."--Gea

Bunny @ Tuesday, November 23, 2004

MY SENTIMENTS. EXACTLY.

ANOTHER USED TO BE by JOE

I brought you here so that i can express the things i've been thinkin bout
give me your ear.
Coz i don't normally do this so bare with me through this.
there are so many things that i want to say.
but let me start by saying this saying i thank you. darling just because..

[Chorus]
i used to love someone that i didn't like
we used to want to break up every other night.
i used to think relationships were a lot of stress.
i used to think that pain was a part of happiness.
now all that's changed since you've come my way,
but i don't want us to become another used to be.

I hope what i'm saying don't discourage you in any kind of way
coz i do believe that you have the potential to be everything i need.
i hope that you can really understand that i would hate
to be with someone new, and tell them what i'm telling you.

Coz it would only be another waste of time,
another moment to be raised i would bout my mind.
another memory a part of history.
I cant forget cuz it keeps haunting me.
Now that your here its evidently clear,
but i don't ever have to have this worry again again. ooohhhooooooo.

Bunny @ Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Monday, November 22, 2004

I LOVE YOU, AINS!

Spent the whole weekend comforting 4 people who are close to me. All suffering from broken hearts. Boyfriend trouble. It was a blessing in disguise, coz it helped me get my mind off J and wondering where this thing I have with him is really going.

One of those friends was Aina. Youngest sister of my bestfriend. My roommate. Soul sister. My current bestfriend. Pig-out buddy. I used to hate her when we were kids because she's really suplada. Actually, no one really likes her when they meet her for the first time because she looks really mataray. Because she doesn't smile, as in, smile. I once told her that I wouldn't be surprised if one day, someone comes up to her and asks her what her problem is. I keep telling her to smile more often so she can become more approachable.

She's one of my most cherished friends. When my bestfriend used to live with us in the old condo, Aina and I would be the only ones who wouldn't fight with each other. She and my sister would argue, she and my bestfriend would have a feud, my sister and I would have a spat, my bestfriend and I would have a million arguments but Aina and I would never ever burst each other's bubble. If she knew I was pissed, she'd be quiet. And I would do the same for her when she's cranky. It's nice to have someone like that. Someone who just shuts up at the right time without you having to tell them to. But more than anything, I think Aina and I will never have a squabble because we are petrified of each other. Because we know how bitchy we can both be and No, we wouldn't want to mess with each other.

Aina and I like doing things for each other. Like when L and I broke up, she treated me to Kare-kare, my comfort food. We buy cigarettes for each other. We even have the same lighter. And the same nail polish on our toes. I'm her designated driver, even if I drank more than she did, which is really, always the case. When I'm on my way home, I text her and ask if she's had dinner and if not, did she want me to buy some for her. Last wednesday, I was in such a bad mood and she treated me to coffee. Thursday, after a big fight with her bf (he also became the ex that night), I treated her to beer while I had coffee and listened to her pour her heart out over another failed relationship. Friday was spent drinking with friends and eating Selecta's 2-in-1 ice cream with our guy friend (thanks for the treat, Johnds!). She also blow-dried my hair Saturday night because I wanted to look extra nice (not for anyone, mind you.) and Sunday was spent visiting 2 bazaars, reading and talking in starbucks over coffee and hershey's kisses during the afternoon. After that, we bought kikay stuff and spent the night painting each other's nails (they look hideous, I tell you. We can't french tip to save our lives!).

We were in the car friday night, discussing the status of our dormant love lives when Aina said (tipsy and all):

"Pare, bakla lang hindi magkakagusto sayo..."

Aww. Who wouldn't love her? Hehehehe! She's really more than a friend. She is my sister. My soul sister. And not everyone is as lucky to have someone like her in their lives.

Bunny @ Monday, November 22, 2004

SONG OF THE MOMENT- WHAT AM I TO YOU by Norah Jones

What am I to you?

Tell me darlin' true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feelin' low
Oh, to whom else do you go?
See, I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

Now if my sky should fall
Would you even call?
I've opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm givin' you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I'll love you when you're blue
But tell me darlin' true
What am I to you?

Now if my sky should fall
Would you even call?
I've opened up my heart
I never wanna part
I'm givin' you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me?
Would you carve me in a tree?
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will love you when you're blue
But tell me darlin' true
What am I to you?

Bunny @ Monday, November 22, 2004

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

SHORT LONG WEEKEND

I had planned on running errands last Saturday: applying for a landline, getting a sun sim, and getting the books I won bids for. But then Gea invited me to be her sweeper (the last person in the pack whose job is to make sure that no one gets lost and that everyone is okay) for a climb in Mt. Manabu (which I already climbed before). She was climbing with her officemates, who were mostly first timers. I still had not planned on going until Malic informed me later that night that he won't be able to make it to the climb. And because I didn't want to leave Gea, sweeperless with her officemates (hahaha! malakas ka lang talaga saakin, Gea!), I told her I would go.

What I hate about sweeping: you lose your momentum, especially if the person in front of you is s...l...o...w. What I love about sweeping: Being able to motivate and encourage exhausted people to move on.

I got back home Sunday afternoon, and upon seeing me arrive, Joseph, our Sunday guard tells me, "Ma'am! Buti na lang nakita ko kayo, akala ko kayo yung namatay sa Halcon!" So we have a short discussion on why it was a completely wrong decision for her to climb Mt. Halcon (which I'm planning to climb next year) alone.

I took a nap and just before 8pm, Aina and my sister woke me up for dinner. We were supposed to have our weekly "just girls" ala-Sex and the City dinner but Aina's brother decided to tag along so we decided to invite a couple of our guy friends as well.

Hopped to our new favorite Ortigas hang-out, Pier One (Hi Cat! I have a few comments ha!). Was texting with J and told him where we were and told him that 2 of our friends, who he also knew were coming.

"I wish I was there but my foot is still really bad."(He sprained his ankle real bad last week and I had not seen him for 4 days)

"That's ok. Next time na lang. I'll call you on your sun phone when JM gets here."

Borrowed JM's sun phone when he arrived and I rang J.

"Hi! JM's here na!"

"Buns, I have to go. Need to change my bandage."

We hung up. And I called another friend with a sun phone. 5 minutes later, he shows up. Pilay, bandages and all.

He loves giving surprises, noh? And i looovee surprises.

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

I was so sad and bothered yesterday.

Because for the first time in one month, I didn't get a single text from him.

And I was trying to come up with a million reasons WHY. But couldn't come up with any logical one. I kept saying to myself, "Did I say something wrong the last time we saw each other that would turn him off?"

Last night, I felt like I was punk'd. Punk'd by someone I was slowly falling for.

Yes. F-A-L-L-I-N-G. Ack!

There is no denying.

But I'm super taking this s.....l.....o......w.

Actually, it was only last night that I realized I was falling for this being. Because not hearing from him made me sad. Made me worry. About him and his left foot. And for the first time, I felt my heart break a little over someone who wasn't even mine to begin with. I spent the entire night over-analyzing. I kept wondering if he was playing games with me by not texting. By trying to see how much I could resist him. Consulted close friends as to whether I should text him or not. Half of them said he was weird and that I shouldn't budge. The other half assured me that there was nothing wrong and that he was probably just busy or exhausted or not feeling very well and that there was nothing wrong if I sent him a short and simple message to say good night. And that I did.

I didn't hear from him till lunch time today. He apologized for not being able to text coz he had to drug himself last night due to the pain in his ankle and his throbbing migraine.

I'm bopping myself in the head right now. Hehehehe!

Oh, here's a picture I took in Mt. Manabu last Sunday morning.

Bunny @ Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Thursday, November 11, 2004

*I made this yesterday morning and finished it today. I'm having a hard time coming up with a title so if you guys can suggest ANYTHING, puhhlleeaasseee help!

I was walking up the steps of the MRT this morning when I realized how absolutely blessed I am. And how much I’ve evolved in the past years. And how I’m still finding it hard to believe that I am, who I am now.

Months before I turned 21, my dad told me, “Your life will change before your birthday.” And true enough, a month before my birthday that year, my then boyfriend broke up with me. I was so crushed that I tried to kill myself (what the fuck was I thinking, right?). I coped by going for a swim almost every night and drinking way too much alcohol to temporarily release the pain but would end up waking up the next day hurting and crying even more.

A year and a half later, I fell inlove. Yet again. And I was somehow convinced that he was “The One”. I loved, compromised, loved more, changed, loved even more, made a few mistakes, loved to the core then I got dumped. Three years later, and I’m back to where I started.

Albeit stronger and less of the cry baby that I once was, it was agonizing. It was so excruciating to say goodbye to all those comfortable nights of having dinner at his place and just watching TV or a DVD together. Or waking up beside him in the morning with his arms around me. It’s mostly the little things that are hard to let go of, really. The way his shirts smell and how I find bliss in wearing them to bed (yeah, what is it with guys shirts, anyway?). Or how he can’t sleep without Vicks. Or how about his really loud snore that kept me up countless of nights, which I eventually got accustomed to and grown to love over the years? Or how I have the power to annoy him by asking him the same question a million times. Or just the way he calls me by our term of endearment. Or merely watching him read the morning paper while having breakfast. It’s the little things that make him distinct that I truly missed. It’s the ghost of the little, minute things that haunted me.

It’s been three months and I’m over it. Over him. Amazing, isn’t it? How can I say for sure that I’m really okay?

I know I’m over him because whenever I chance upon something that reminds me of what we had, I only feel nostalgic, not resentful. Whenever I see a car same as the one he drives, I no longer remember the shouting, cursing and crying that conspired inside that same vehicle. Instead, I remember the music blaring from the stereo, the joyrides, the laughter shared between the 2 of us or with friends. Plus, I no longer find myself wincing everytime I hear a song that we both liked. Nowadays, whenever he crosses my mind, I no longer find myself wishing him ill or plotting convoluted schemes of revenge. Instead, I say a little prayer for him and hope that he’s doing well and that he is, more than anything else in the world, HAPPY.

After all, don’t we all deserve to be?

I say, find happiness in little things. I see it in the yellow of my curtain when the sun hits it every morning and I am forced to open my eyes. Happiness soothes me with every sip of my morning coffee. And my after lunch coffee. And my afternoon coffee. Even my evening coffee. I see it in Nante, the maintenance guy in our building who never fails to greet me with a smile and a “Good Morning, Ma’am!” before I leave for work. Or food! My friends always say I look like the most satisfied person in the world when I’m ingesting something I love, regardless if it’s really expensive Japanese food or your plain, lovable isaw. Happiness is in the laughter of my officemates and the music playing on my Yahoo Messenger. I find delight in text messages from my friends, no matter how mundane or silly they are. And isn’t curling up in your favorite armchair with a good book one of the most peaceful things in the world? And whenever I go for a run around the village, I love how I always come across something that wasn’t there before. Like lately, it has been Christmas lights. I get tickled pink when I read heart-warming messages people leave in my online journal. It’s so bizarre how you can get so euphoric over people you’ve never actually met. Then there’s the feeling of exhilaration I get from mountain climbing and discovering unusual trees, plants, insects and flowers that you don’t normally encounter in the city. The adrenalin rush I get from being able to conquer something I never thought I would be capable of doing definitely comes a close second to falling madly in love.

And if I wasn’t already lucky enough to have a zillion friends who perennially make sure I’m okay, someone new came into my life and further pushed away whatever pain was left. A kindred spirit, that’s what he is. I’ve only known him for a half a month but it already feels like I’ve known him half of my life. It’s as if God had some secret desire to catch me off-guard. We have oodles of things in common, we relate to each other well and I surprisingly, found myself spending more time with this person. And every night, before going to bed, apart from the countless things I am already thankful for, I can’t help but thank God for being crafty enough to bowl me over with this new friendship. I can’t help but be grateful for allowing this stranger to become so strangely familiar. And I can only hope that the rapport I keep with this person never ends.

And while it is normal for people who are close to me think that there’s more to this new person than just friendship, I insistently digress. I’m not looking for someone who works like a band-aid or Ibuprofen who will cover up a wound or temporarily ease my pain. But I'm not totally blocking off the idea of falling for this person either. Who knows what will happen? The future remains uncertain. It’s just that in my heart I know, love will take its own sweet time. I don’t have to look for it. Love will find me. And like all my other past loves, I won’t even know when it’ll hit me, or that it already has. And unlike all my other past loves, I want the next one to last.

What I’m trying to say is, the past months have made me realize that I don’t need someone to complete me because I am whole on my own. While I sometimes find myself missing suffocating someone with bear hugs and smothering someone with little kisses, the next person who rocks the ground I walk on and drives me crazy will, well, add spice to my life and electrify me more. But he will not, ever, complete me. Because I already am.

I will always believe that happiness is NOT a place, but a direction, a destination. A journey that we must all be aware enough to choose to take. The things and people around us can only do so much. At the end of the day, no one can ever bring us there but ourselves.

It was Anne Frank who said, “I don’t think of all the misery, but all the beauty that remains”. I say, “I don’t think of all the misery, but all the beauty that remains and remains to be seen and felt.” You can quote me on that.

Bunny @ Thursday, November 11, 2004

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

THE SWEETEST THING

I was home, alone and bored last night. I put out more picture frames in the sala, organized pics in my photo album, cleaned up the house and fixed the room. Turned on the tv but nothing interesting was on. So at 8pm, I found myself lying in bed and reading my book while texting with J. At 9pm, I told him I was going to take a nap.

But a nap it was not.

I woke up at 530am. Checked my phone and there were 2 messages, all from J. The first one, sent at around 10pm was him asking if I was still up. The second one, sent at around 1030, really woke me up.

"When you wake up, look for a red ribbon styro. Enjoy Ü"

It wasn't hard to find the red ribbon styro, I immediately saw it when I got out of my room. I opened it and super smiled. 6 sylvannas. My ultimate favorite. As soon as Aina got out of the bathroom, she told me that Jun texted her last night asking if she was already home and asked if she could meet him outside our door. True enough, when she opened the door, he was there holding the red riboon styro and he asked her to give it to me.

Texted him agad, "Jun!!! Super duper thank you! Guess who's HAPPILY eating sylvannas at 530am? That was one of the nicest things, EVER. Thank you, you just made my day!"

Actually, he didn't just make my day...he made my week. HAAAAAAAPPPPYYYYY!!!!

Bunny @ Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Monday, November 08, 2004

THE GAMES MEN PLAY (or maybe he just wants me as a friend talaga?)

My friend, Aina to J: Do you like Bunny?
(He was right beside me when this question was asked)
J: What's not to like?

And then I find out hours later that Charo asked him the same question a few days back and he gave the same answer.

Hmmpphhh.

And all this happened after we spent Friday night at a friend's birthday party and left for Tagaytay at 3am, played cards, had coffee and ice cream at a Shell gas station there, watched the sunrise at his fave spot right before 6am, had the sudden urge to hit the beach and drove all the way to Nasugbu (we didn't have extra clothes!!!) and stayed in a resort there.

How could you give an answer as vague as that after you just gave me a back, head and arm massage in the cottage? After we took a 2-hour nap beside each other? After standing in knee-deep sea water just talking and laughing? After you bought me my favorite pichi-pichi?!? 2 bags of pichi-pichi! Not one, but two! What's not to like, whats not to like?!?!? What kind of !@#$%^&* answer is that?

When we got back to Manila at 530pm Saturday and you had a badminton game at 6, you asked if it was okay to hang out at my place for awhile. What's not to like when I suggested that you take a power nap in my room because you haven't had sleep, because you drove the whole time. Whats not to like when you started browsing through my books and asked if you could borrow one? What's not to like when after my bath, I went inside the room and found you asleep on my bed? After all this, all you have to say for is, "What's not to like?" It has got to be more clearer than that.

Dude, I like you so much but I can play games, too.

Okay. Fine. So maybe I'm exagerrating. I know I said I wouldn't assume. I'm not but dammit, I'm still a girl. A gushing, kinikilig girl. Ahuhuhuhu! And now I have to force myself to hit the brakes. To just stay put and to not fall. Not yet. Woman, be in control.

After a lot of thinking last night, I figured that I wouldn't have it any other way, anyway. My male friends have assured me that you like me, romantically speaking. But that maybe you're just taking your time. That maybe you want to start out as friends. Or that you think it's still too soon for me as I had just gotten out of a relationship 3 months ago. I have no problem with that because I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't think I'm ready. This stage of getting all kilig and anticipating for your next move is thrilling, exciting and soooo nakakaloka at the same time. This arrangement is fine. It's cool by me. So yeah, we're cool.

Right now, we're friends. Friends who see each other practically everyday. We'll see where this journey takes us.

Oh by the way, thanks for the tall hot chocolate you brought to my place last night. Talking to you over your cup of coffee and my hot choco while sharing cigarettes was the perfect ending to an almost perfect weekend.

Mamaya ulit? :D

Bunny @ Monday, November 08, 2004

SONG OF THE MOMENT

FALL FOR YOU
written by Babyface (1999)
performed by Shanice

There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
There you will find the true condition of the heart

Well I can visualize the pieces of a dream
And it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told it's you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny

I've been in love a time or two
I've seen the world but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
Don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Cause I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how can it be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure

I have every expectation that it's true
Cause my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told it's you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

To the mountain snow that melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to the sea
To the heavens up above
I pray to God our destiny is love

And I want you to fall for me too
Me too
Me too
Me too
Fall for me too

Bunny @ Monday, November 08, 2004

Friday, November 05, 2004

DAHIL HINDI NAMAN KAYO NAGSASAWA SA MGA KWENTO KO....

Decided to take a power nap at 7pm last night. I was surprised that I was still capable of sleeping after having 4 cups of coffee at work. So you can pretty much imagine my shock when I woke up 4 hours later. Power nap my ass. Texted Jun and told him that I fell asleep and that I just woke up. "Ngak! You'll be up till the wee hours of the morning na naman niyan!", he said.

I didn't reply na and a few minutes later, he called. After exchanging hellos and how are yous and telling each other things we did that day (as if we weren't texting each other the whole day),

J: I'm going out for coffee. Do you want anything? Coffee? Kaya lang you had 4 cups na today eh! Basta let me know what you want, I'll bring it there na lang.
Me: Uhh, hmmm...I'm not shaking pa naman so pwede pa yan! Haha! where are you getting coffee?
J: Starbucks. O, what do you want?
Me: Why can't we just have coffee in Starbucks?
J: I thought you didn't want to go out?
Me: I never said that I didn't want to go out. I didn't go with Aina (my roomie)tonight coz she was going to meet with our friends for drinks. And I don't want to drink muna.
J: Aaahhh...so..Ok lang to pick you up in 20?
Me: Yep, i'll get dressed na. See ya!

Headed to Starbucks Metro Walk again. While ordering, I blurted, "Oh gawd, it just occured to me. I haven't had dinner yet. But I'm not hungry naman." He asked me if i wanted anything, but I really wasn't hungry. He kept on asking if I was sure and I repeatedly said yes.

We talked, laughed, and closed starbucks again. I told him I suddenly felt hungry and we headed to Tapa King just before 2am. I don't think I mentioned it here before but we had this one conversation about our weird food combinations. Whenever I eat Tapa, I smother the tapa with ketchup and I pour vinegar all over it. He, on the other hand, mixes bagoong with suka whenever he eats danggit. He can also eat rice mixed with ripe mangoes or banana. Blech. When he saw me do my ketchup and vinegar thing with the tapa, he decided to try it for himself under the condition that next time, we will have danggit and I have to try his suka and bagoong combination. Fine. He tried it and he said it didn't taste as bad as he thought it would be.

He's really a sweetie. Very maalaga. I got 2 sets of utensils for our food and he took them from my hand and started wiping them with tissue. While eating, he noticed that I didn't get a drink. I told him that I'm just getting water and what do you know, he got me a glass himself. I think it goes with the fact that he's also the eldest child.

Nearing my house, I asked him if he wanted to smoke a cigarette first before I go inside my house. "i was about to suggest the same thing", he said. Aina and her bf had also just arrived when we parked so the 4 of us smoked together and laughed at Aina's BF, Jello, coz he was obviously very tipsy and he almost tripped.

He left, I went to bed. But couldn't sleep. After texting him to thank him for inviting me for coffee and for making me libre at tapa king, our succeeding goodnight messages went like this:

J: I really enjoy our talks. Sana you can rest and sleep na. Good night and sweet dreams, bunny lovey.
Me: May i just say I'm glad you enjoy talking to me because the feeling is mutual. I think its cool that we like a lot of the same things. You're like my male version!
J: Hahaha! Its so refreshing when I talk to you. It's like talking to myself, only prettier.
Me: Hahaha, nambola pa 'to. Sige na nga, talking to you is also like talking to myself only cuter, smarter and much better at math and science. Sincere yan ah.Ü
J: Bwahaha! Thanks! We do think alike. Bolera!
Me: Eh bolero ka din eh. Good night, [insert T.O.E.]!Ü
J: Good night, bunny lovey Ü

Now, everyone is saying he really likes me...as in romantically. But why, oh gawd, whhhhyyy is there a big part of me that thinks he's only after friendship?

I'm not inlove yet. Super in-like lang talaga. But I know that 3 or 4 more fun dates with him, and I'll be

F
A
L
L
I
N
G

like crazy.

Scared ako.

Super.

Bunny @ Friday, November 05, 2004

NOT UNTIL HE'S IN THE BAG

Yesterday afternoon, just as I was about to leave for work, Jun suddenly messages me in YM, "Are we close enough for you to let me read your online journal?"

I said, "Not yet. hehehehe! But if you find it, please don't let me know. Don't even give me the slightest hint that you've been reading it already."

He said, "Don't worry, I won't look for it."

Heave sigh of relief.

Bunny @ Friday, November 05, 2004

Thursday, November 04, 2004

You guys are probably sooo sick of my Raymart stories...but I'm not. And I want to create a log on my Raymart stories. They make me smile. Hehehehe!

I ASKED HIM OUT!

I was supposed to go to a friend's net cafe near UST last Friday afternoon but didn't know how to get there from my house. I'd ask my roommate but she was in Baguio. And then I remembered that Raymart works near UST so I texted him and asked him for directions. He called and explained the easiest way to get there but reminded me that it was traffic and that maybe I should consider leaving later at night. He also said, "I might go out with my friends tonight but if our plans don't push through, I'll bring you to Espana na lang". I told him he didn't have to, hassle pa for him. The only thing he said was, "It's an offer, Buns. I'll text you at around 6 or 7 if I can bring you or not."

I ended up going to Charo's place instead to hang out. Later that evening, he texted to tell me that he's not going out with his friends anymore and that he can bring me to Espana if I'm still going. I didn't plan on going to Manila anymore but I was dying to see him. Charo suggested that I ask him out. That kinda freaked me out. I'm torpe. I'm scared that he'll say No. But then again, no guts, no glory. So I replied, "I'm not going to Espana anymore but if you have nothing better to do, do you want to join me and sila Charo for coffee or drinks tonight?"

I put my phone away. Told Charo to read the message when he replies. Was too scared he might say "No" kasi. But he said, "Sure, I can go!" I literally jumped and did my version of the dance of joy after reading the message. Charo was laughing so hard.

We met him at Katips. He did the magic trick for Charo and did a few more card tricks using a deck of cards we bought. After Katips, Charo and Jovan went home while R and I had coffee at Starbucks whilst teaching me the card tricks he did earlier that night.

SATURDAY- We were texting each other and I mentioned that I really want to catch up on my writing but I can't seem to find anything meaningful to write about. He then said, "I'm going out for coffee later to study. You wanna join me? You can catch up on your writing while I ready and study." It sounded like a really good idea so I obliged. He picked me up at 2pm. Went to Starbucks in Metro Walk, sat on the couch and we were galit-galit for a looonng time. It was the longest we have gone without speaking to each other. He looked so cute and nerdy in his glasses and for the first time, I noticed how buff his arms were (you were right, Charo!). The better to hug me with? hehehe! The whole time we weren't talking, I kept on wondering if my presence was distracting him the same way he and his bright orange physiology book was distracting me. I loved how I could be comfortable with this guy in silence. There would be so many moments where he would catch me looking at him and I'd catch him staring at me. We'd just smile and go back to whatever we were doing. Until finally, he spoke:

R: how are you doing?
Me: I'm writing crap!
R: Alam mo, isa lang solusyon diyan...
Me: what's that?
R: yosi tayo?

So we left our books and notebooks inside the cafe and sat outside to smoke and talk. Later on, we discovered that we share the same passion for anything that's cookies and cream. And how Rocky Road was our first love when it came to ice cream. And how we both love munching on boy bawang (its garlic flavored cornic that you can buy from small sari-sari stores)

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

We moved to Chicken Inasal for dinner and I think it was after discussing Pugad Baboy's characters (Brosia is our favorite!) that I asked, "What's the most baduy term of endearment that you've used?" He laughed and turned beet red. I cracked up when he finally told me. Sobrang baduy! It's soooo freaking baduy that I'm not going to tell you guys what it is to save him from embarassment. But to give justice to it, he used it in HS pa with his first gf and there's a story behind the nickname. He asked me the same question and I said, "Lovey and Dovey. I was Lovey." He laughed and said that that was also baduy. I answered him by saying, "Pero admit it, winner pa rin yung term of endearment mo!" After dinner, he looked at me and suddenly blurted out, "I'm happy". I laughed and said, "Why? because of the really yummy dinner we just ate?" he said, "yes!" and laughed again. Now, I don't know what to make out of that I'm happy statement of his but it kept my spirits all the more ecstatic. Then we had ice monster. I had strawberry, he had mango. It was his first time to try it and as we were ordering, I kept on assuring him that it was good. He super trusts my taste daw so he's sure he's going to love it. And he really, truly did.

Left at 9pm coz I had to go home to Paranaque and he and his family were leaving for the cemetery that night. He texted a few minutes after he brought me home: "It was fun as usual. Good night and Take care driving to pque, LOVEY!ÜÜÜ" To get back at him, I started calling him by his baduy term of endearment.

The next morning in the middle of texting each other, I said, "Just for kicks and so I have something to laugh about whenever you text me, I'm seriously thinking of changing your name in my phone to [insert his baduy T.O.E.]. His reply made me laugh, "Haha! I actually already changed your name in my phone to bunny lovey". Should I get kilig? Maybe not. But I did!

WAKE-UP CALL

We went out for coffee again monday night with my roommate and another guy friend. We closed Starbucks at 2am. He was worried that I wasn't going to wake up at 5am in time for work but I gave him my word that I would. After texting him goodnight, he texted back,

R: Do you want me to give you a wake-up call at 5am?
Me: That would be nice but ONLY IF you're still awake by that time. Otherwise, no na. Don't hassle yourself.
R: Don't worry, I will be awake.

And at 5am, he woke me up. And we spoke for a good 10 minutes. After ending the call, I turned on the TV and it was tuned in to MTV. Guess what video was playing? "Beautiful Day" by U2. And I remember telling myself, It's a beautiful day, indeed!

TIME FLIES

I got home early from work last Tuesday and went straight to bed. Woke up to R's text at around 1030. He had just gotten back from the cemetery with his family. Informed him that I had just woken up and that I slept for a good 5 hours and that God knows what time I'll end up feeling sleepy again. I really discourage myself from sleeping immediately when I get home from work because that would mean waking up at an ungodly hour and being up till late and because I slept late, I'd end up being groggy the next day at work.

R: Do you want to go out for coffee?
Me: I'm not sure if I want coffee. Actually, I don't know what I want right now, hehe. But sure, let's go out.
R: Great! I'll be there in 30.

Half an hour later, we were together and we decided to have a couple of drinks at the new Pier One in Ortigas. I had just finished telling him about this guy I dated for a year and even went to Boracay with. And how that "relationship" mysteriously never blossomed into something more. As in no holding hands, not even beso. He said he's convinced that the guy is gay. I explained that I learned a very valuable lesson in dating that man: Never expect. Assume nothing. Because some guys can act like they really like you even when all they're after is friendship or companionship.

R: So you mean to tell me that even when a guy is already investing so much time with you, you still won't think he likes you?
Me: (to self: is he telling me that he likes me?) Yup!
R: As in even when he spends so much time with you? You still tell yourself he's just being nice?
Me: (to self: is he really trying to tell me he likes me?) Uh huh.
R: Grabe ka naman. but then again, I guess that's...safer for you.
Me: Exactly. Kasi what if I really like the guy na, and he makes me feel that he likes me too pero hindi naman pala. I don't want to be devastated. It's better talaga to expect nothing. I really just go with the flow until he actually tells me na, "Hey, I really like you" or something to that effect.
R: So how do you know if you like a guy?
Me: (to self: is he fishing for clues if i like him?) Haha! Gawd, I turn into a dalagang pilipina. At least, thats what my friends tell me. Coz with my guy friends, I'm really malambing, like I hug them BUT when it comes to a guy I like, I'm soo torpe. As in. But yun nga, I go with the flow. I don't hold back. I'm spontaneous in a way.
R: You don't hold back? Spontaneous...in what way? *smile*
Me: Hahaha! Hoy! Not that kind of spontaneous noh! Sleazy ka ha!
R: Hahaha! I was just kidding. But what do you mean by you don't hold back?
Me: Most women follow dating rules. I don't. Rules like, a guy is supposed to ask you out at least 3 days before the date. If he doesn't, don't accept. In simpler terms, be unavailable even if you are available. You have to give the impression that you're a busy woman and that you have more important things to deal with than dating this fella. Even when deep inside you, you can't wait to go out with him again.
R: Oo nga, bakit nga ganun yung ibang girls? I was dating this girl before and one time I asked her out, she said she couldnt leave the house but I saw her in Glorietta that night. Weird. So you're not like that?
Me: I told you, its like a rule of some sort. The thing with me is, I believe in moments. When something is offered to me and I like it, I grab it. Because one of the worst things in the world is spending the future thinking about things that you had a chance to do but didn't. I hate "What Ifs", I try not to have any of those. That's why I jumped at the chance to climb, because I might not be able to do that anymore when I'm old and gray. It's like not going to a friend's birthday party and everyone was there and they all had a blast. And when you meet your friends, they can't stop talking and raving about the party and it sucks because you're the only one who can't relate coz you weren't there. You missed the chance, the moment, the experience. And even when you actually go to the next party a friend throws, it just won't be the same as the one you missed.
R: Haha! That's true, Buns. I know exactly what you mean.

We moved to other topics after that. I had just gotten back from the restroom when he said...

R: Bunny, I'm so sorry!
Me: Huh? Why? What happened?
R: I kept you up so late.
Me: It's early pa naman tiba? What time is it?
R: 330am! And you have to be up for work in 2 hours! Nagui-guilty ako!
Me: Hahaha! It's okay. I'm not even sleepy yet. Besides, it was fun noh. Bilis ng oras ha.
R: I know! Time flies when you're having fun. I'll wake you up again later, okay?
Me: Don't na if its hassle lang.

We dropped by a convenience store before going home. I bought cigarettes for him and me (naubos kasi sa Pier One) and he bought iced tea for himself and soya milk for me. And of course, he woke me up. I had 3 cups of coffee yesterday to keep myself up. I was yawning every 15 minutes. But that's okay, because I'm so happy. No one can rain on my grand parade. No one is capable of pissing me off. Nothing can dampen my spirits.

And he asked me if I could go out with him and his med friends this weekend (yeah, i think it's this weekend) and I said yes.

I'm honestly scared. Because I'm waiting for a catch. A glitch. There's got to be something. Or maybe I'm just being a cynic.

Oh by the way, his name is Jun. (junior eh)

Bunny @ Thursday, November 04, 2004